I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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