It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
