I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
