I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
