Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Enjoy the penises
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
