Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
