"it" just moved
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
