It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize