Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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