Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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