Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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