He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
