I heard we made out
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
