I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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