How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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