He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
