after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
