I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
