you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
