Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
