Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
