I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
