ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize