it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
