Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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