it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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