I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
