ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
