My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
