I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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