This girl is more easily done than said...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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