my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
