She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
God I need to hump something, right now.
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