She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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