Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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