I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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