Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
