we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
