watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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