break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
