I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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