I've blown a few things in my day
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
