She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
