I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
