Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
