Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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