I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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