my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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