All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
