would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
