When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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