i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize