Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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