At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
