I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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