Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
