Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
