I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
