I could make wine with my vomit
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
