I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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