Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
