That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
