Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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