i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
