Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
