my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
