Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
