i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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