You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
