How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
