Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
