its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
zippers are such a cool invention
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
