It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
