hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
